Pineapple Tongue

The other day, my friend Eric gave me a funny look as we packed our backpacks up after class, his mouth slightly twisted and his eyes squinting, "My tongue feels funny," he said.

"Why?" I asked. 

"I had pineapple earlier... I don't know." He shrugged.

"Ohh," I nodded, "yeah, that's why."

"Why what?"He laughed. 

"That's why your tongue feels funny."

"Okay, but, why does pineapple make your tongue feel funny?" Eric wanted to know. 

I had no answer. But, I promised to get him one. And, here we are. 

Firstly, you must understand that pineapple has a high concentration of two combining protein-digesting enzymes that work together really well. As a team, these enzymes are called bromelain.  

Now, a "protein-digesting" enzyme does pretty much exactly what it sounds like: it breaks down proteins. Proteins like steak, for example (turns out pineapple is actually a fantastic natural meat tenderizer) and proteins like, well... like your tongue.  

It's a little creepy to consider that our tongues and a tough steak have a similar Kryptonite in Bromelain, but there is some good news. The human tongue regenerates the bonds that bromelain breaks down - so, there is no risk of a completely - ahem - tenderized tongue. 

Though they might feel a little funny after eating pineapple, our tongues rebound nicely from a Bromelain Breakdown. 

So, Eric, enjoy your serving of pineapple with this small dose of science. 

The Better To See You With, My Dear

I have a friend. In order to protect their innocence, let's just call this friend "Sue."

Now, Sue is a social drinker who, on occasion, drinks to excess. One such occasion was a few years ago on New Year's Eve when, at a local pub, Sue approached a person at random and asked for a kiss. The person, sober and unamused, declined Sue's advances. Sue was relentless in her pursuit, which only made Sober And Unamused move more toward the direction of Offended And Appalled. Nearby, my friends and I huddled together, sipping champagne and giggling until we had no choice but to take Sue away from Sober And Unamused.

Why did we do this? I mean, Sue was in no danger and there was a chance (a very small chance) that Sue would get that kiss from Sober And Unamused. So, then, why'd we stop her? Well, firstly, we are good friends to Sue and, let's be honest, she wasn't doing herself any favors. Secondly, let's just say that Sober And Unamused wasn't exactly Sue's "type." To sum it up: You could say that Sue was "wearing"a pair of custom-made Beer Goggles.

Though, I suppose, in Sue's case, they were more like Vodka Goggles - but, similar principle nonetheless.

The term "beer goggles" refers to the perspective some people have after they've had a few too many - the kind of perspective, say, that would convince them that they are, in fact, extremely attracted to someone that, normally, wouldn't catch their eye at all.

Turns out, there's scientific evidence that suggests what Sue was experiencing was about symmetry - not just a loss of judgement. (Though, I'm sure that also has something to do with it; I speak from experience, and I'm sure I'm not alone.)

This article, published by the Smithsonian.com, cites a study performed by the journal Alcohol that suggests that the Beer Goggle Effect is essentially our brain's inability to decipher facial symmetry, which is typically - er, soberly - what we use to define a person's attractiveness.

But, why is facial symmetry so important? Well, because it's our inherent way of judging those who are in good health, and carriers of good genes.

So, next time you have a few, and think you've found Mr. or Mrs. Right (or Right Now), be careful: You might be looking at the world through beer-colored glasses.

Oh! And Ladies? The study says women are more susceptible to the Beer Goggle phenomenon, so make sure you get your DD's Go Ahead before pulling a Sue.

Cheers. Drink safely.